Oh Come All Ye Faithful

So I am continuing to plod along with my not so spectacular life, thus no exciting tales of adventures and discoveries. I have however, made a new friend.
Arriving at work early the other morning I found myself in a deep and meaningful conversation with my manager, to whom I revealed a whole lot more of myself than I think I normally would - oops - but in concluding the conversation we came to an unspoken agreement of friendship.
It was actually timed quite well as it restricted her from giving me a big kick up the bum at the end of the day, which is exactly what I deserved for taking so long to do everything and doing it with an I-don't-give-a-shit attitude.
So I went to church with my tail between my legs and admittedly felt a sense of detoxification from the stresses of the day. The sermon was in relation to the Gospel reading of John the Baptist and was unbelievably thought-provoking, as was the article in the newsletter. The extract that really made me think was:

The Church invites us to be like the people who flocked to John in the desert to hear the word of God. We are invited to go into the desert of our hearts in order to hear God's message. The desert of our hearts may be an uncomfortable place to be, but it is the place where we will hear the love, voice and call of God.

So yesterday after work I joined my 2nd family for dinner. After the meal I remained at the table and watched as E. jumped on the trampoline just through the window. After a few minutes she stopped and lay just as Snow White did after she had eaten the poisoned apple and awaited the prince's kiss. There was a look of intense concentration on her face and I asked her sister A. what she was doing.
"Praying."
Well, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She's only 10 years old and she knows how to talk to God, and has no shame in doing so as her family watched from the dinner table.
I suppose I was jealous. I may appear to be a good Catholic - I go to church, I try to follow the Catholic laws and I pray for others - but in all honestly, I don't feel close to God. I don't know how to talk to Him, and when I do I don't feel as though He is listening. I have not got the ability to empty my mind of the literal and open my heart enough to feel God's presence.
And in church when they talk about Hell and an eternity without God I fear that I will be there. I thought Hell was now, but there is much worse to come I believe.
Pray for me - because I can't.