Preserving Life

Today I had the opportunity to be present in a Cadaver Lab. I did not particularly wish to participate but I decided to be open minded and look at it as a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't eat before going in (although I'd been told to in order to up my blood pressure) and I was extremely jittery. Everyone else looked a little nervous so thinking that we were all in the same boat, I calmed down. Actually, I signed in, agreed to the rules, scrubbed up and was ready to go, but as soon as I heard a distant zipper being opened on one of the body bags, I lost it.
I felt all of the blood rush from my head, I felt cold and shaky and suddenly a white haze clouded my vision. My lecturer Dr __ had said to let someone know if we felt uncomfortable, but I could not move with the fear of falling over - let alone asking for help. Thankfully, the feeling passed and I distracted myself from the open bodies about the room with my lecturer and a human brain.
Eventually we moved onto a cadaver, and as it is a great interest of her, Dr __ got a little carried away in her teaching and progressed from demonstrating muscles to sharing experiences of past students and human specimens. She got talking about the facilities at a university in Brisbane and described a natural model of a woman's uterus encasing a 6 week old foetus. All of us being girls (well, women + me) were all a little shocked by the issue but she continued to tell us about one woman's encounter in particular.
Walking a group of students through the labs, the students passed a cabinet containing preserved body parts and in particular this model of the unborn foetus. Dr __ said:

One lady looked around and obviously didn't expect it; the instant she saw this model I just saw her face dissolve and she crumbled. Luckily I caught her before she felt full impact with the floor but her face had trauma written all over it. I let the other lab attendants carry on with the rest of the group and I coaxed her outside for some fresh air.
I told her that it was okay to feel uncomfortable but it was obvious that there was an issue surrounding her reaction and that it was something that needed to be addressed in order to help herself.
This woman then told me that she had in fact lost a child.
Now, I'm no counsellor, but this is something that no-one can deal with on your own. So together we took steps to get some grievance counselling and we found out her child's exact location in the hospital's plot.
This is a drastic example of how these simple things can stir up so much angst inside - If you could have seen her face dissolve! To lose a child is something that you would never wish upon anyone and this poor woman was suffering in silence - and to be confronted with that!

Her voice changed in pitch, her cheeks brightened and Dr __ began to cry.
I must admit, I was taken a-back; she was a Dr of Anatomy. Made of steel, works with the dead and knows no-one's names - she confirmed that deep down, she is just like me.

I shook for the rest of the afternoon and could feel a nervous pulse running through me; I was unable to eat or even think coherently - I forgot to go back to Uni I was so frazzled. So I sat by the beach and watched as people passed by.
I saw an elderly couple hand-in-hand, a mother and son, husband and wife with their new born baby... and as I watched these people pass - them not even realising my presence - I thought about the days experiences and paused on Dr __'s story. I had always believed that she was bullet-proof, but even she, like the best of us, gave way to emotion.
I tried to imagine myself as that woman. What would I think? What would I feel? And I shockingly realised that if it were me; I would not have survived.
Ultimately a child is a part of you; like a hand or a foot or a piece of your heart and soul... and to have that ripped away, trampled and stolen forever? To live everyday knowing that you are not a whole and inside a wound continues to bleed.
I had always thought of lonely as having only your own company - but what happens when not even you can provide that?

Who would have ever thought that a simple thing like a soul's empty house could cause so much emotion?

...or not?

My second cousin once-removed (who for the sake of confusion I call my aunt) and I are like e-mail buddies. I share what's happening in my life, she fills me in on hers, and from time to time we send on appropriate forwards to each other.
This is the most recent one that she sent me:

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mum.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say,
"Let's cry together," another,
"Let's fight together," another,
"Let's walk away together."

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself
... those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many, it's wrapped up in
several...
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbour,
on others, your sisters,
and on some days, your daughters.

Well, I pondered this proposal and agreed with most of it - the progression of friendships and realisations and the need for different friends for different events. But what if it's all fading - slipping away for no fault of your own?

My friends and I don't have that sort of relationship. Their weekends consist of getting drunk and being hungover. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I hate Twin Towns and that is their, let me quote; "Second Home".
So when I attempt to organise a 'girly' weekend with dinner and a movie, I get stood up or cancelled on at the last minute for alcohol, roulette and sleazy random hook-ups.
I've thought about this so much that my head hurts from the electrical currents - Maybe it's actually me with the problem? I am the minority after all - and I'm 18. Why shouldn't I be getting pissed off my head and doing things that I'm bound to regret?

I think I just answered my own question.

Call of the week - for sure!

I was sitting in an Anatomy and Physiology lecture yesterday feeling very tiresome and un-motivated when I was shocked into concentrating when my lecturer started talking about Peritoneal muscles and the Tena Pad adverts on TV (yes - in the same sentence?).
I was starting to think that she was very passionate about this topic after 5 minutes of her ramblings, and this was confirmed with her admitting it out loud (She is very blunt to say the least).
After another 10 or so minutes as she discussed contractions, exercising and the purpose of these muscles (as well as what happens when a uterus turns inside out - ?!?) she apologised to the few boys in our lecture because, lets face it; she didn't leave a lot about to the imagination.
This guy, Josh, who's a complete hero in my Lab class, and for the sake of this story is openly gay, said:

That's ok. I'm anti-fanny anyway.

Needless to say - I laughed.