Preserving Life

Today I had the opportunity to be present in a Cadaver Lab. I did not particularly wish to participate but I decided to be open minded and look at it as a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't eat before going in (although I'd been told to in order to up my blood pressure) and I was extremely jittery. Everyone else looked a little nervous so thinking that we were all in the same boat, I calmed down. Actually, I signed in, agreed to the rules, scrubbed up and was ready to go, but as soon as I heard a distant zipper being opened on one of the body bags, I lost it.
I felt all of the blood rush from my head, I felt cold and shaky and suddenly a white haze clouded my vision. My lecturer Dr __ had said to let someone know if we felt uncomfortable, but I could not move with the fear of falling over - let alone asking for help. Thankfully, the feeling passed and I distracted myself from the open bodies about the room with my lecturer and a human brain.
Eventually we moved onto a cadaver, and as it is a great interest of her, Dr __ got a little carried away in her teaching and progressed from demonstrating muscles to sharing experiences of past students and human specimens. She got talking about the facilities at a university in Brisbane and described a natural model of a woman's uterus encasing a 6 week old foetus. All of us being girls (well, women + me) were all a little shocked by the issue but she continued to tell us about one woman's encounter in particular.
Walking a group of students through the labs, the students passed a cabinet containing preserved body parts and in particular this model of the unborn foetus. Dr __ said:

One lady looked around and obviously didn't expect it; the instant she saw this model I just saw her face dissolve and she crumbled. Luckily I caught her before she felt full impact with the floor but her face had trauma written all over it. I let the other lab attendants carry on with the rest of the group and I coaxed her outside for some fresh air.
I told her that it was okay to feel uncomfortable but it was obvious that there was an issue surrounding her reaction and that it was something that needed to be addressed in order to help herself.
This woman then told me that she had in fact lost a child.
Now, I'm no counsellor, but this is something that no-one can deal with on your own. So together we took steps to get some grievance counselling and we found out her child's exact location in the hospital's plot.
This is a drastic example of how these simple things can stir up so much angst inside - If you could have seen her face dissolve! To lose a child is something that you would never wish upon anyone and this poor woman was suffering in silence - and to be confronted with that!

Her voice changed in pitch, her cheeks brightened and Dr __ began to cry.
I must admit, I was taken a-back; she was a Dr of Anatomy. Made of steel, works with the dead and knows no-one's names - she confirmed that deep down, she is just like me.

I shook for the rest of the afternoon and could feel a nervous pulse running through me; I was unable to eat or even think coherently - I forgot to go back to Uni I was so frazzled. So I sat by the beach and watched as people passed by.
I saw an elderly couple hand-in-hand, a mother and son, husband and wife with their new born baby... and as I watched these people pass - them not even realising my presence - I thought about the days experiences and paused on Dr __'s story. I had always believed that she was bullet-proof, but even she, like the best of us, gave way to emotion.
I tried to imagine myself as that woman. What would I think? What would I feel? And I shockingly realised that if it were me; I would not have survived.
Ultimately a child is a part of you; like a hand or a foot or a piece of your heart and soul... and to have that ripped away, trampled and stolen forever? To live everyday knowing that you are not a whole and inside a wound continues to bleed.
I had always thought of lonely as having only your own company - but what happens when not even you can provide that?

Who would have ever thought that a simple thing like a soul's empty house could cause so much emotion?