Life's Angels

For ages I have loved these little angel figurines from the 'Willow Tree' collection. They are these beautiful carved angels with wire wings and no face, each in a different stance to represent themes of life. I think the first one that really caught my eye was the "Angel of Patience". She was so calm to look at but so many conclusions could be drawn from exactly what she was thinking. She was for sale in this little gift shop I knew and every week I would go and see her. She was there for so long that she was reduced to $15. I felt sad for her sitting on that shelf alone, entertained by only her own thoughts.
I know what you're thinking - why didn't I adopt her? Believe me I wanted to, but I had developed this deep appreciation for the collection that I had convinced myself the eloquence of these creatures was the uniqueness of each, and that they could only truly uphold this if given as a gift. To buy one for yourself would be like buying a size 8 dress when you really are a size 10 - your self image is warped; it's how others see you that is the truth.
So I never did get the Angel of Patience. Soon after the shop closed down and she disappeared to somewhere beyond my knowledge. For Christmas however at the end of that year, my dear friend Miss Priss (I have previously referred to her in this blog in bad taste but no matter how much you love someone they can still give you the shits) gave me a delightful Willow Tree pair entitled "Sisters by Heart". There was no greater title for her and myself than this and I believed this gift to be one of the most sincere and heartfelt ones that I had ever been presented with. Sitting in a proud position in my bedroom, I still agree.
That same year Willow Tree released a Christmas collection. It included Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus, the Three Wise Men and the stable animals. I had mentioned to my mother how much I loved them and suggested the starting of a new Christmas tradition.
You see, every year without fail my grandma gives my mum an ornament for the Christmas tree. It's something completely different every year - sometimes a souvenir from one of the various countries visited by my grandparents throughout the year, and others a collectors piece from Myer or David Jones.
So I thought it would be a great idea if every year I got another piece of the Willow Tree nativity scene - but Mum thought they were pretty lame and didn't jump on board.
Last Christmas I saw them again in the window of the jewellery store. I looked at them for ages then had to pull myself away. But I couldn't stop thinking about them and kept going back to stand in front of the shop window. After a few visits I realised that the only way that these precious characters wouldn't end up like the Angel of Patience would be for me to throw my theories out the window and put my money were my mouth was.
So I did - a whole $250 dollars of it. I lay-byed them paying as much as I could afford every week and the day that I paid the final dollars I rushed home and put them in the centre of our dining room table. I just loved to look at them and often found myself wasting minutes just gazing at their non-existent faces and their uniqueness.
I lingered in repacking them in their boxes after Christmas and New Year. I didn't want to shut them away until the festivities returned in another 10 months time. So when my birthday came around in August you would think that I'd be delighted to receive another angel from the collection. And I would have thought so too...
Miss Priss gave me one that truly is beautiful. She is the "Angel of Sincere Thanks" and with her faceless and wire winged body holds a wire hoop with the words 'Thank You' inside. I was told that she was the 'prettiest' in the shop and that she looked like she belonged to me.
So I took her home and sat her on the shelf with my Russian Nesting Doll and my Sisters by Heart. It didn't look quite right somehow so I rearranged my treasures until they pleased my aesthetics, and oddly enough my newest angel had found her place behind the Sisters at the back. I didn't know why but I wanted to leave her there; and it wasn't until days later that I realised why.
She doesn't mean anything to me. She does not represent an unbreakable bond of friendship, or clear my mind when she enters my gaze, let alone cause me to stop in my tracks just the absorb her true meaning as if that of a religious holiday. She has become an insignificant aspect of my room and life. She is not a gift of thanks, rather one of convenience, and for that she has taken the back row. It's not her fault, and I wish I could put it past me to overlook this unimportant detail for her sake. Sadly, I don't think I can.
Every time when I look at her I resent her more and more. Why could she not be an Angel of Hope or Wisdom? I know why - because Miss Priss chose her not to be. She played God to this unloved Angel and now it's up to me to right the wrongs. I will force myself to be able to look at her without negativity and unlove.
But until then, Christmas is just around the corner.