Calendar Years

I was flicking through my day diary this morning and admiring all of the blank spaces during my holiday period, then stumbled across the due dates for a number of University assignments.
I dreaded the thought, but then convinced myself that soon it will be mid-year break... and then with perseverance it would soon be Christmas.
I find solace in turning the page in my diary or flicking to a new month on my wall calendar. Then I thought, but why? Because it's taking me further from the start, and closer to the end. At primary school we counted down the days until holidays and cheered with the final school bell; but as I grew older and became terminal with this disease, my comfort lay in the security of my school. I dreaded weekends and holidays, adored Mondays and was always the first car in the student car park without fail.
So that's where my counting came from - but what for?
I'm now counting down, not in anticipation, but for something to do.

It gets lonely when your friends are alcoholics and will deceive you just for something to do...