Fear

Of all of the things that I am frightened of, I think the biggest is myself. I may not be able to justify this as I can with snakes, ghosts or the dark, but there's something within me that I am constantly fighting against, and I'm terrified it will win. I could never speak it out loud, even if in the safety of my room with only my ears listening, because once it becomes vocal, it is real.
Expecting a phone call from my doctor I planned to explain the intense feeling of claustrophobia and suffocation that has woken me every night since my visit. I would wake with the belief that something was trying to eat its way into my soul and ultimately killing the last flickers of hope and belief in my heart. When she called, I said I was fine. I told her that the anxiety from my days was dissolving, but when I began to explain my midnight terrors, I stopped myself. As the words formed on the tip of my tongue, I had a fleeting thought of how insane they made me sound. I was worried what she would think of me.
I hung up and thought. Perhaps my omissions are really part of a bigger picture; of the network of demons plaguing any chance of happiness? But I couldn't tell. Those unspoken words were pieces of myself that should never be spoken, because what others don't know, can't hurt them.
I know a burden shared is a burden halved, and that's just the point. Why would I want to inflict any of my pain on someone who is kind enough to listen? I will protect everyone from myself.